Tales from the Parks - Moon Over Spaceship Earth

One of my favorite attractions at EPCOT is Spaceship Earth. I love that it's a long, totally enclosed dark ride that entertains as it educates. I also find it amazing because the ride actually takes place inside the giant icon of the park.

On our last trip to Walt Disney World, Molly and I took a spin on the recently upgraded version of Spaceship Earth. We had heard about a few new scenes, a few new audio-animatronic figures and a new voiceover from Dame Judy Dench.

But the thing I was most interested to see was the new interactive section of the ride where you get your picture taken and the get see what the future looks like with you in it.

As we waited in the queue line, I noticed a few unruly teenagers behind me. They were whispering and laughing and it totally looked like they were plotting something. But I figured it couldn't be too bad since their dad was with them.

Anyway, Molly and I boarded our "time machine" and got ready for the ride. As we made our way up into the geosphere, we had our pictures taken for the finale of the ride.

As soon as we passed the picture area, I heard a roar of laughter behind us. I shifted in my seat and turned around to see what was going on.... and what I saw shocked me.

Both teenage kids were standing up in their omnimover....had both dropped their pants...and were both mooning the Spaceship Earth camera.

I wonder how many times a day this happens? I wonder if the pictures of their asses were used in the "snapshot of the future"? I wonder where the hell their dad was and why he let them get away with that?

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Tales from Orlando - A Mother Worse Than the Yeti!

Here's a story from when Greg and I were standing in line for Expedition Everest at Disney's Animal Kingdom. This is one of the best queue lines in the world, second only to Dueling Dragons at Universal Studios Islands of Adventure.

Anyway, as we walked by the authentic Mandir and through the Yeti Museum, we heard the wails of a seven year old boy behind us. Obviously, he had no intention of getting on the roller coaster. He was terrified. I'm not sure what scared him more, the 80 foot drop or a possible encounter with the Yeti. Maybe he was scared of the hour long wait without a FastPass...who knows?

It didn't matter through, because his witch of a mother had no sympathy for him. She was literally dragging him through the line as he wailed, kicked and screamed.

She even had the audacity to yell..."YOU ARE NOT GOING TO RUIN MY RIDE!!!"

It's at this moment that I realized that each theme park should have its own version of Child Protective Services. Shouldn't there be someone who can intercede on behalf of these poor kids?

I'm usually someone who minds his own business, especially when it comes to other people's kids. I don't get involved when a person is parenting their child, no matter how strange or outrageous they are.

But it's not like this crazy woman was making her kid eat his vegetables, she was making him ride an intense thrill ride! There's a clear, an unmistakable difference between making a child do something for his own good and making him do something for the selfish reasons of the parent.

When I was young, I was terrified of roller coasters. My mom and dad tried to talk me on them, but they never forced me to ride against my will. Now look at me, I'm friggin' Mike Collins from CoasterRadio.com! I'd say 'ole Mom and Dad did a pretty good job!

These days, it seems like there are more and more screwed up kids running around. I for one don't put the blame on them. I blame parents like the one I saw in line for Expedition Everest. Yes, I blame the woman who put "her ride" ahead of the well-being of her son.

I hope the Yeti was on the B-Show mode when she rode through! She deserves it.

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Tales From The Parks....

We're unveiling a new feature here at Coaster Radio.com called "Tales From The Parks". It's a chance for all of us to share funny, interesting, weird, shocking, gross or strange stories from our visits to the theme parks.

We've started a new forum topic where you can add your stories. Some of the best ones will be featured on the blog. I'll get us started.....

A few years ago, I was at a park standing in line for a slightly intense roller coaster. In front of me, was a family of four...a father, mother and two young kids. The older daughter must have been 12 and the younger son was probably seven or eight.

It was obvious that the son wasn't interested in riding. He was begging and pleading with his father to leave the line. But the father wasn't having any of it. He kept telling the son to "grow a pair" and to "chill out".

As we moved along farther in the line, the son really started to melt down. At first it was a few tears, then a few sobs and it finally escalated into a full-on panic attack.

Here's where the world-class parenting began. The father grabbed his son, turned him squarely towards me and said: "You're making that man angry. If you don't shut up, he's going to beat you up!"

The kid stopped crying, but he looked at me like I was the friggin' Terminator. Any fear he had for the ride was totally replaced by fear of me. What was worse is that the father was making eye contact with me. I could tell that he wanted me to do something to confirm the threat to his son.

I wasn't in the mood to play his game. In fact, I was pretty disgusted by the whole scene. So I looked at the kid and said, "Don't worry. I'm not sure why your dad said that, but I really don't care if you ride or not. In fact, there's an exit right up here where you can get out of line if you want."

The kid seemed relieved, but his dad was angry... at me. He said "thanks a lot a--hole" in his most sarcastic voice.

Needless to say, it was an uncomfortable 10 minutes until we reached the ride platform. Once we got there, the kid and his mom walked through and didn't ride.

But I've always wondered what the situation would have been like if I had "played along" and become a menacing threat to make this kid ride the coaster. I've also wondered if that father has used the same tactic since.

It's like Keanu Reeves once said in the movie "Parenthood":

"You need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any a--hole be a father."

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